Hello Owl’s Eye View Readers!
I recently began to print my
column, “Life’s A Hoot” which appears monthly in my online “Owl’s Eye View
Magazine” in this blog. It occurred to
me that I should archive all the previous LAH columns so that you could get a
better idea when reading my blog, of what my magazine is all about.
Owl’s Eye View Magazine
consists of 5 monthly columns (penned by my fictitious characters), 2 two
original short stories, and a monthly installment of my original novel
(installments usually run about 30 pages).
In Volumes 1 and 2, and the first six issues of Volume 3, there were 6
columns.
Life’s a Hoot is my editorial
column, which is part personal experience or opinion and part synopses of the
articles and stories contained in that issue.
Therefore, I felt it was appropriate to include the columns on my blog
site, since they contain highlights of each month of my personal life.
This blog contains Life’s A
Hoot columns as they appeared in Volume 3 Issues 1-7 of Owl’s Eye View Magazine. After this, I will publish a blog containing
the current Life’s a Hoot column on a monthly basis on the day each issue of
Owl’s Eye View Magazine is published online.
Thank you for reading!
Chills!
Ter
**
LIFE’S A HOOT - VOLUME 3
ISSUE 1
Eleven days into the New Year
have so far brought some success—my own, this is the third anniversary of Owl's
Eye View Magazine, and I have some loyal readers, thank you all very much. And also my grandson’s, who has mastered the
potty! No more diapers or pull-ups, even
at bedtime!
This time last year I was
still living in Georgia Pennsylvania
Whatever twists and turns are
in store during 2012 I hope at least the ones in Owl's Eye View bring you
chills and satisfy your ooky-tooth!
Muahaha!
As for the twists and turns
in your real lives, I hope they leave you happy and prosperous!
In this issue of her “On the
WindSpirit” column, Lucy Bernelli begins the year with a flashback to her past—and
then sets out on a six issue journey into her future. How far will she take us? Keep reading?
Nathan Williams shares some
fond (well, this is Owl's Eye View, so take that adjective for what it’s
worth), childhood memories in “Swooping Through the Years.”
Been wondering whatever
happened to Max Vale? Well, for the next
five issues of “From the Perch” Melanie Alden will bring you up to date.
Ever stroll all the way down
Liar’s Pond Road Colbert Mansion
Children can bring us
inestimable joy or inestimable sorrow.
“Macabre Mirth” brings us the dilemma of in-between.
Got a brat? Need a remedy? Consider “Cure-a-brat.com” a story I wrote
while pondering child-rearing one afternoon…
If you’re juggling bills in
this horrendous economy, you might want to read “Disconnect Notice” before
deciding which bill can wait…just sayin’…
And last but certainly not
least, it’s time for a whole new novel!
The first installment of “M*E*D*S” will take you into the ooky behind
the scenes world of retail pharmacy—and is based on some of my true-life experiences
during my seven long years as a retail pharmacy technician. To my former co-workers and friends from that
era in my life, please know that I think of you often, and 200 pages of
“M*E*D*S” is my proof of that.
Muahaha! Let the ooky
begin!!
Thank you for reading Owl's
Eye View Magazine. January 11th
is my birthday and the anniversary of the premier issue in 2010. The best birthday present I get every year is
your acceptance of my columns, stories and novels.
Chills!
Ter
**
LIFE’S A HOOT - VOLUME 3
ISSUE 2
Wow! It’s that time again already! The past four weeks literally flew.
I know you’re going to think
I’m the biggest nerd of all time, but I found the original Star Trek series
used on Amazon and couldn’t resist. I
was nine the first time I saw Spock, Kirk, and Bones beginning to weave their
interstellar magic and completely enchanted, never missed an episode after
that. I remember swiping my mother’s
compact to use as a ‘communicator,’ and using a little transistor radio for my
tricorder—Voila! My house shimmered into
the Enterprise
Through the years I followed
NASA’s every step—the moon landing excited me beyond belief, and the space
shuttle program blew my mind—another step closer to making Star Trek a
reality. Another step closer to the Enterprise
Star Trek gave me hopes that
the future held promise—new ideas, adventures, and chances beyond earthly
imagination. I hope my grandchildren
will watch the episodes when they are a little older and enjoy them as much as
I did and still do.
I’d like to think that “The
Great Bird of the Galaxy,” Gene Roddenberry knows how much his characters and
stories meant—and still mean—to me.
Okay, now that I’ve unloaded
that nerd nugget on you, let’s move onto the chills for the month:
In SWOOPING THROUGH THE YEARS
Nathan Williams introduces you to his mother-in-law whose heroic flight from
southern Delaware
Meredith Alden, Owl Maiden,
continues with her series of articles updating us about Max Vale. If you loved Max in “Holy Terrors” and want
to see how things unfold don’t miss “From the Perch.”
What the hell is going on
with Lucy Bernelli? Ya gotta read “On
the WindSpirit” to find out. Even Loren
Elliott might be pulling up Owl’s Eye View to try and figure out the
mystery….
Larry Nunn’s article in
“Screech On!” is brief but interesting about a musical send-off….
Melanie Mirth presents a
little tidbit about camping in Georgia
Wanna do something really
cool for your kid’s birthday party?
Wanna be sure to keep up with the
Joneses? Check out my story “Balloons”
before you indulge your kid with the latest fad….that’s all I’m sayin’.
Just a little father-daughter
bonding in “New Kid” gives Giselle a really cool show-and-tell when she returns
to school in the fall. Muahaha!
And of course, last but not
least, the latest installment of M*E*D*S to fulfill your ooky thirst. Don’t choke!
Thank you for reading! I hope you end up a puddle of anxiety hiding
under your bed by the end of the issue—some advice, beware of those attack dust
bunnies! They’re fierce!
Chills!
Ter
**
LIFE’S A HOOT - VOLUME 3
ISSUE 3
It’s been an interesting
month—lots of illness in the DelCampo household—one after another we each got
blasted with head colds, stomach viruses, the works—but we all survived and are
hanging in there.
My granddaughter is excited
about the impending spring. She’s
becoming quite a good reader, too, and asks about holidays that appear on her
calendar. She doesn’t miss a trick, and
much of everything she takes in ends up in her journal. At five, she’s smart as a whip, and destined
to become my little writing buddy. I’m
betting she’ll exceed any modest accomplishment of mine, though, and probably
before she hits her teens!
In Owl’s Nest there’s a new
novel in the works: “Cloister.” I just started the actual writing, having
worked on the loose outline, main plot, character list, and research this past
week. I’m liking the main storyline,
which is shaping up nicely. Not telling
any more than that right now—but it’s chock full of ooky!
Just like this issue of Owl's
Eye View.
Hard-working Mamie Colbert’s
story is first in line this issue from Nathan Williams in ‘Swooping Through the
Years,’ giving a whole new perspective to the old adage, “Waste not want
not.”
Max and Meredith continue to
work out their problems in ‘From the Perch.”
I’m waiting to see how things will go myself…sometimes the muse doesn’t
even tell me what’s going to happen….
Lucy Bernelli updates us
about her Haudenosaunee quest to follow her dreams…literally…in this month’s
‘On the WindSpirit.’ Spend as much time
with her as you can…for now…
‘Screech On!’ has a chilling
little tale for you this month. Larry
Nunn’s first hand observations about a mysterious fiddler will give you a
whopping dose of ooky!
Also, there is a mini-chill
from Melanie in ‘Macabre Mirth.’
Cheers!
My story ‘Previous Owner’
should caution you about buying a car at an auction, especially a police
auction, and keep you from getting taken for a ride…
My second story, ‘Writer God’
illustrates a worry of horror writers everywhere…
And of course, if all that
isn’t enough ooky for you, there’s always the ongoing story of M*E*D*S, the
latest installment a whole deep freeze full of chills to keep you awake
nights!
Should keep you busy for the
month. Chills!
Ter
**
LIFE’S A HOOT - VOLUME 3
ISSUE 4
It’s been an interesting
month during which my granddaughter turned six, and I turned a little grayer
when my computer crashed. I still say
when you order a computer already loaded with operating systems they program it
to crash just before your warranty runs out so they can convince you to sign up
for another extended warranty. If I
could prove it I’d sue them for all their worth. Had to wipe my computer (colossal waste of
time!!!) and reinstall everything.
Grrrr. Funny, the only problems I
ever have had with this laptop is just before the warranty runs out. Fortunately I have two external hard drives
for backups, but I still lost two columns and a short story (that I’ve noticed
so far). Took me days to rewrite what
I’d written last week. But I think I’m
all caught up now, whew! If I could go
back and relive the week before the crash my motto would have been
Back-up! Back-up! Back-up!
Rosie got a lot of notebooks
and a touch typing course for kids for her birthday. She keeps a journal, reads voraciously, and
is one smart cookie. Love being here
with the grands!
In the midst of all the
celebrating and computer frustration, I managed to get Owl's Eye View all ready
to give you some chills.
Nathan Williams talks about
‘old farthood’ and letting the next generation, in the form of Sol Hammond, get
a feel for the reins in “Swooping Through the Years.” Don’t worry, Nathan’s not going
anywhere! We hope…
Meredith Alden continues on
with her story revealing Max Vale’s struggles now that she’s back in Owl’s
Nest…and his life. “From the Perch” is,
as always, a must read this issue.
Lucy Bernelli’s
transformation continues, and her spirit is pulled nearly apart in this issue’s
“On the WindSpirit.”
Larry Nunn pops into Owl’s Nest High School
In “Macabre Mirth” this
month, Melanie Mirth tells of Signe Hannigan meeting her mentor.
How do you mend a broken
heart? One man’s answer lies in my
story, “Be Still My Broken Heart.”
You really can’t judge a book
by its cover, or so my story “Sir Muddy” goes.
The ooky Pharmacy Phunnies
continue in the fourth installment of M*E*D*S, right along with the chilling
evil….muahaha!
Plenty of ooky to go around
for the next thirty days. Chills!
Ter
**
LIFE’S A HOOT - VOLUME 3
ISSUE 5
Spring is here, Owl’s Nest
visitors!
Personal stuff: Rosie has made shopping lists every time she
goes out with her mom shopping. Among
other things she always puts on her list: new marbles for Nana (because I’m
always saying whenever I forget things or screw up something during the day,
that I’m losing my marbles) new feet, new knees, new shoulders for Nana because
hers are broken. She is a piece of work
my little granddaughter. She makes me
laugh. And she cracks my heart I love
her so much.
Joey and Rosie have
discovered the whoopee cushion. Let me
tell you, they have learned to sit slowly upon it to make the fart last
forever, though Joey gets a real thrill out of one big huge blasty fart. I have to admit the humor may be pedestrian,
even childish, but hearing a grand huge fart along with squeals and giggles and
shrieks of laughter from my little munchkins does my heart good.
I reached out to tickle Joey
as he zoomed by on his BigWheel, and he screeched to a stop with this deadly
serious look on his face, to give me this reprimand: “Nana! This is my ice cream truck and you can’t
tickle me because I have to drive!” Then
on he went. I guess I should have known
better; silly me. Funny, he’s fixated on
ice cream trucks but doesn’t like ice-cream because “it’s too cold!”
Rosie is going to the Philly
zoo today. I wonder which animals will
be her favorites? I liked the sea
lions. I miss chaperoning school trips.
Spring has been too beautiful
so far this year. No cloudy, somber days
to put me in the mood to write ooky. But
fear not, loyal readers! I just write
late at night when who knows what might be lurking just outside my window. Muahaha!
I spoke with my friend Terry
Segal last week-end. She is doing well
with her Enchanted Journey book, based on her workshop. She’s a wonderful writer and excellent
therapist. Check out her site for much
thought provoking material:
and her blog:
As for me I’m just hanging
out as usual, reading “The Drowning Girl” by Caitlin R. Kiernan. Astonishingly well written. Every time Ms. Kiernan comes out with a new
book, I have a major dilemma on how to reorder my favorites of her work…
As for Owl's Eye View this
month, let’s take a peek:
Nathan Williams tells us what
really happened in 1966 at the great campground attack out on Liar's Pond Road,
so take a gander at “Swooping Through the Years.”
In “Screech On!” this issue,
Larry Nunn has a particularly challenging music review to write, and no matter
whether his comments are good or bad, the price could be his immortal
soul!
Meredith Alden winds up her
five issue story that catches us up on Max Vale’s life. You won’t want to miss the exciting
conclusion in “From the Perch” this month.
Will Lucy Bernelli really go
through with her quest and depart Owl’s Nest for all time? Take a peek and see if you can stand the
chills. And also see what a guest writer
for her “On the WindSpirit” column has to add to her words concluding this
multi-issue article.
In “Macabre Mirth” this
issue, Melanie Mirth puts a cool spin on a classic mummy chill, don’t miss the
ooky!
A murder victim gets her say
in my story, “Dear Diary.”
“Motivation” is a little
ditty about a surprise ending to life…or perhaps I should say afterlife.
And of course M*E*D*S
pharmacy ookiness continues on. What
will happen to Mark Logan? How will
Melanie and CeeCee get him back…or will they?
Muahaha! Installment 5 brings us
closer and closer to the brink of disaster….
Now I will let you tiptoe
into Owl’s Nest and lose yourself in the ookiness. Chills!
Ter
**
LIFE’S A HOOT - VOLUME 3
ISSUE 6
I think my whole day
yesterday was a complete brain fart.
Saturday a wrote a really excellent poem for my son for Father’s Day,
and got up yesterday early to get it onto his Facebook page before was up and
about. Which was a very good plan,
except when I went upstairs and asked him if he’d seen his Father’s Day poem on
his page yet, he, and my daughter-in-law both looked at me as if I’d lost my
marbles (I’m perilously close to running out altogether).
In short, Father’s Day is of
course next week. I deleted the
post. Ugh!
But I’m not through yet. I worked my butt off all day yesterday, got
all the stories in my ‘polish then publish’ folder edited and pasted into
appropriate issues of Owl's Eye View, keyed in an article, worked on Princess
Rosie stories so that Rosie can illustrate them this summer, got all the
editing work I’d planned for this week-end done. Hugely productive week-end.
Right up until this morning
when I was awake half an hour before my alarm, knowing it’s publish Owl's Eye
View day, and immediately realized I hadn’t written this column. Ugh!
So here I sit, running late
now because I’m an old broad whose only marbles are the two in my pocket that
Rosie gave me (because I keep losing mine).
J
Okay. So the point.
What have I been up to this month?
What have my thoughts been?
Hmmm.
Well, the song “Hallelujah”
written by Leonard Cohen is stuck in my head to stay it seems. I’m sure my family is sick of hearing me hum
it, but it’s such an addictive melody I’m thinking it’ll be around for
awhile.
I went through all the bits
of paper holding thoughts I’ve jotted down during the month, some are
provocative, some are just random crap that occurs to me. You can judge which is which.
I think the American
citizenry, as employers of every politician in office, should announce
immediate pay cuts for said politicians, dropping them all to minimum wage
until they get the all federal and state budgets balanced. Then and only then they may vote themselves a
twenty percent raise each year, once their job performance has been reviewed.
If the review (by their constituents) is positive, they can have their
raise. If negative, they may be
summarily dismissed for not achieving the agendas set out by their
employers. I highly doubt if these men
and women were working in the corporate world with such poor performance and
low productivity that they would still be holding their jobs.
Little Joey and I have been
watching Anne Burrell and Rachel Ray for a little over a month now. Joey loves “Miss Anne” because she has crazy
hair, and she’s very animated and
effervescent as she works in her kitchen.
I agree, she’s charismatic and her passion for cooking is
infectious. He likes ‘Cooking Rachel’
(he calls her that because he has an Aunt Rachel and a friend’s mommy named
Rachel in his life) a lot too, for pretty much the same reasons, sans the crazy
hair. I go onto foodnetwork.com and copy
the recipes, but never have the time or money to put them together. But they are lurking there in my recipe
folder…
I had to laugh. I keep a bowl (Birdie Bowl) on the end of my
counter for uneaten bread crusts, veggie scraps, egg shells, dryer lint (birds
use it to line their nests), and other compost stuff. I let the kids take the bowl to the back
corner of the yard for the birdies and
squirrels (and groundhog). So the other
night I’m talking to Joe and Cait about my disability benefit woes, and said,
“I’m worried about not having enough money to take care of arrangements if/when
I go for the big dirt nap.” And without missing a beat, Cait piped up with, “Oh
don’t give it a thought. Joey and I will
just cut you up and let the kids take you out in the birdie bowl!” So that’s a weight off my mind.
I jotted this thought down
somewhere along the way this month:
Eating sugar for an energy boost is like coasting your car down a hill
when it’s out of gas—you’ll get down the hill, but at the bottom you’ll still
be out of gas. Hmmm…not a bad
analogy.
Rosie will be out of school
for summer vacation on Thursday and I’m trying to line up little things to keep
her brilliant little mind occupied. I’m
thinking artist of the day. I will prop
a picture of a painting or sculpture by a famous artist up, and let Rosie and
Joey draw their own version of it. I
figure it’ll be good for an hour or so of quiet time during each day, and at
the end of the summer I will have a shit load of interesting kid art to tack up
on the walls of my room. J
I wrote: I’m more shocked when a man is decent and
kind than I am when he is despicable and cruel. (I guess I’m jaded—I am always happy
to be surprised by the decency and kindness, though. I love it when that happens.)
Rosie handed me her
recipe:
Rosie’s Homemade Cheesy Stars
1 box star pasta
3 slices (1 pat=1 tbs)
3 pinches salt
1 handful shredded cheese
1 tablespoon milk
There are no directions, but
I think those of us who cook can figure out Chef Rosie’s recipe and come up
with a pretty good dish. Her handwritten
recipe with the face drawn in the R of her name, (which incidentally is also
wearing a chef’s hat) was the best part for me.
As for me, I’ve been playing
around with Hummus recipes and eating a lot of it on celery chunks every
day. I wanted something crunchy and
satisfying to take the place of crackers because the carb comas every evening
were seriously curtailing my writing productivity. Celery, cucumber medallions, radish slices
are all excellent vehicles for Hummus.
Mmmmm. Hopefully my ass will
shrink enough that it will no longer require its own zip code.
Oh, and I finished writing
“Parliament” and completed a rough edit.
I will do a final edit in a couple of months after the manuscript has
had a chance to ‘rest,’ then divide it into installments and insert it in the
January-June issues of Owl's Eye View for 2013.
In summary, it’s been an
interesting and diverse month filled with Owl's Eye View ookiness, family
closeness, grandchildren joy and silliness, and Social Security Disability preposterousness.
Editor’s note about Lucy
Bernelli’s departure:
I had some things to say
about Native American spirituality—which I personally respect and didn’t want
to exploit. I have said what I wanted to
say and that is why I gave Lucy the storyline to fully commit to her
ancestors—and Native way of life—because when it comes to personal goals and
values, it truly is all or nothing.
People of European descent never completely understood their connection
to Mother Earth because they abandoned natural, healthier living centuries
before they came in contact with the Native Americans. The result is that white people are on the
brink of self-destruction and unfortunately they’re dragging Native Americans
with them on that violent, downward spiral.
That’s what happens when the environment is treated as a political issue
rather than a way of life.
Through Lucy, I tried to give
Oneida Traditionals a way out—a way to survive on their own terms.
Because I have always felt
that the Indians and Mexicans for that matter, got steamrolled by the
Europeans, that white settlers brand of ‘civilization’ was and is mostly a
selfish, hypocritical farce in comparison to the Native Americans whose
nature-based religions had soul and meaning and were lived not preached. I hope I portrayed that through Lucy’s
character and storyline.
Okay, last but far from
least:
A dear writer friend of mine
asked me awhile ago if I thought it was appropriate to fictionalize true events
from one’s life in order to write about them.
I guess she gives me credit
for being quite a lot more creative than I actually am because there are bits
and pieces of me, my friends, co-workers, and conversations I’ve overheard on
buses, in restaurants, and stores, all kinds of tidbits of truth I’ve doctored
up and tucked into novels, stories, and columns.
Part of the reason I write
the people and experiences of my life into fiction is because I never really
figured people would care about a little housewife/writer in the second
smallest state in the country. That and
I like writing ooky stories. Oh, and I
didn’t want to gbet my ass sued off by former employers, and others who might
become upset if their parts of my story painted them in a less than flattering
light.
And then of course there are
a very few people here and there through the years who have truly pissed my
off—not as many as you might think, actually.
I’m a pretty forgiving person and I’m not arrogant enough to think that
just because a person rubs me the wrong way that they’re bad through and
through. But I’ve run across a couple of
real bastards in my lifetime—one the owl sentries took care of in Holy Terrors,
one met a dreadful demise in M*E*D*S, and that’s all I’m fessin up to. Muahaha!
The more experiences I can suck
out of my real life and infuse into my fiction, or use a complete basis for a
story or novel, the more textured and believable my characters and stories turn
out to be.
So now, if you follow my
writing all that’s left for you to figure out is which characters are
me—muahaha!
Chills!
Ter
In the sixth issue of Owl's
Eye View:
Larry Nunn tells us a little
tale of a muse gone haywire in “Screech On!”
In “Swooping Through the
Years” Nathan Williams introduces us to Sol Hammond, his protégé.
Meredith Alden has a little
chat with Lois Vale, Max’s mom in “From the Perch.”
Another guest writer for “On
the WindSpirit” in the wake of Lucy Bernelli’s dramatic departure for another
dimension, an alternate life. Trudy
Shriver lends her skills to tie up so very many loose ends.
“Operating Table #4” is
Melanie Mirth’s gift in “Macabre Mirth.”
Pate anyone?
Who can resist soft, cuddly,
hand-made baby afghans for a newborn?
You might once you read my story, “Blankies.”
Little May’s solution for
domestic violence in my story “Trunk.”
And of course, last but not
least, the conclusion of M*E*D*S—don’t dare miss it! Chills abound!
**
LIFE’S A HOOT - VOLUME 3
ISSUE 7
There really is no hope for
me—I started writing a warm & fuzzy novel about a woman who’s bankrupted
waiting for Social Security benefits to kick in after she’s disabled. She takes in three veterans who have various
disabilities also and are having trouble making ends meet. It was going to be a non-horror novel, but
twisted soul that I am, I kept getting horror ideas, and finally just
incorporated the whole thing into the plot for “Zee,” my current horror novel
project. So…. I’m looking to have it
finished and ready to publish from July through December of 2013.
Incorporating the warm and
fuzzy story into “Zee” expands its plotline magnificently, and textures the
book in a big way! But I suppose there
is no hope for me to write a sweet, heartwarming novel. While warm and fuzzy stuff appeals to and
touches me, I can’t seem to write it and leave it at that. My mind always goes off on a ‘what if?’
tangent and tacks on horrific cliff-hangers to each chapter.
Such is my lot in
life…muahaha!
And Issue 7 of Owl’s Eye View
is no exception. Revel in the
ookiness:
Larry Nunn presents a casual
interview with Tania Alden about a haunting serenade in “Screech On!”
Meredith Alden tells us all
about the advantages of multi-dimensional living that started when Signe
Hannigan helped WWII Jews in the late 1930s.
Interesting!
Nathan Williams comments on
Lucy Bernelli’s “Trail of Cheers” in this issue’s “Swooping Through the
Years.”
Introducing a new
column! Lisa Galloway, the young poet in
“Into the Mist,” shares her “Visceral Verse” with us, promising chills galore,
starting with her “Midnight Murder Ball.”
You’ll want to buy stock in
Tilex after reading Melanie Mirth’s “Macabre Mirth” vignette this issue.
Finally I get to share my
story “Pharmaceecee” with you, now that “M*E*D*S” is published. Enjoy the ooky in this bonus story for this
issue!
In the ‘ya just never know’
category, my story, “Pot Luck” cautions fine diners everywhere to keep your
wine cellars properly stocked for the big day…
My story, “List of Demands”
reminds us that you never really know who your enemies are, until they’re in
your face…
And I’m proud to offer you
the first installment of my gruesome novel “True Crime Shelf.” Always remember, what you read is what you
get. Evil oozes in Owl’s Nest leaving a
swathe of dead Owls in its wake.
Thank you for reading each
month! Chills!
Ter
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